Gripping life.

The day was cold, she could tell by the raging wind outside. It rattled her windows and made an angry howling as it tired to get into her bubble of warmth. She didn’t even flinch as a crash came from outside, it could have been a branch having been ripped from its tree and thrown into the house. It could have done damage but she took no notice as she sat lost in thought as she looked at some photos that were spawn over her bedroom floor. The faces in them were young and filled with happiness. Her own face was a shadow of that happiness but still young. There were black smudges under her now dull green eyes and those eyes had a lifeless look and even though they should have been young and shinning with youthfulness, they where instead aged and filed with past pains and memories not long gone. She sniffed a bit as she picked up one of the bright photos, but let it fall as soon as she had made connected with its shinning edges, as if it had burnt her fingers. She bowed her head, her hair of honey blonde fell in waves over her pale face and her hand went to pull it back, sobbing came over her and thin shoulders shook. A hand reached out shakily and stroked the nearest picture a single word whispered from her lips........Jessica.

Two girls snuggled under blankets, were giggling and whispering, occasionally a world would be loud enough to hear. They were talking about boys and advents that had just happened in their lives. One of the girls, with light brown hair and blue eyes, sniffed a giggle as she excitedly told about a new boy she had just met. The other girl listened intently and looked happy for her friend. Then they were at youth group running around being silly and hugging, just like sisters. Their eyes shinning brightly, reflecting love and hope for the future. There was a noise of crying as a girl sat in the arms of another, the girl holding her, was comforting her with kind words. Sadness was in her eyes as she held her friends shaking figure. Something had changed the girl knew and she was afraid.

The hand was pulled away like she hoped that that would stop the memories coming. The crying got more violent as she struggled with the past. But she lost the battle and they continued.
The girl was worried she hadn’t heard from her friend in weeks. She had tried texting, calling and even a letter she had slaved over for days to make perfect. She hadn’t seen her at youth group, her friend had stopped coming to church. She had watched as her friend had gotten involved with alcohol, tried to help but her friend didn’t want her help. She had seen as she had got sucked in by drugs. She had seen, her friend get worse as time went on, the drinking had became more frequent and the drugs harder. Her friend wasn’t her friend anymore just a shell of what she once was but she still cared.

The crying started to subside to just a sniffle as she turned the photo over leaving the blank side facing down. She turned herself so her back was to the photo and continued to stare at the colourful ground surrounding her on every side. She got up slowly trying to get her legs pumping with blood again after being in the same place for hours. Something clung to her hand as she stretched, glancing down she could see it was another photo, three faces shone back up at her, meeting her sad expression.

She put her hand over her mouth, to smother the sob she could feel growing in her throat. The faces continued to look back, not concerned about her struggle to keep control. Those faces were so familiar; they bought back memories twisted with happiness and sorrow. She gave a bitter laugh and in the same breath, breathed out in a hollow tone......... Kay and Kathy, the two k’s. She said this with a twist of her mouth as she lost herself in the memories,

Two girls stood making noodles, as was their tradition. The smell making their tummies grumble in complaint. The moment came when the chatter stopped and the quiet sound of eating took its place, with the noise of enjoyment and slurping breaking it occasionally. “You always came to my house for my noodles, maybe that’s the only reason you even came” one girl with short, mixed coloured hair and happy eyes, joked as she put another mouthful in her mouth. Laughter come muffled by a mouth filled of noodles, from the other end of the table. “Yep their just too good” the other girl replied through a full mouth. They both giggled and finished up, to continue with what they had stopped to eat. The internet was what they always did.
A note was shoved into her hand in surprised look came over the girl as she looked next to her, to the culprit. The girl next to her mouthed read it so she did. Writing was a way to make church go faster. She scribbled something back and passed it on. A huge grin spared across her face after reading what was on the note.
Something wasn’t right as she read the name of her friend’s msn. It was dark and the message was clear she had been hurt again, a different boy from the last. It never ended. She tried to help by typing comforting words and just being a friend but the girl on the other end of the connection wouldn’t respond as she found comfort and friendship in the arms of a boy.

She gave a whimper of past regret as she tore her eyes from that girls face and to the one on the other side of her. A smile of perfect white teeth and bright eyes of brown framed in dark brown hair stared back. The ghost of laughter echoed through her head, it sounded like it was in the room with her but when she looked up the room was empty apart from her and the pictures. She gave a sad laugh to join the one that still bounced around in her mind.

A girl hugged another, her head fitted perfectly under the taller girls chin. Both happy and safe. Two girls sitting side by side looked like they were paying attention to the teacher but under the table; it was a shuffle of hands and paper while up on the surface their faces were calm apart from the odd silent smile that briefly passed over a girls face but it quickly disappeared, her eyes still shining with delight.
They then where sitting on a bed side by side, their heads close together in deep conversation. The smallest of the girls suddenly laughed out loud, a laugh that was booming and filled with amusement. Her opposite sitting next to her gave a laugh to join the other but it lacked volume and strength.

Something didn’t feel right as the smallest girl turned up on the other girls front door step late on a week night or when the smallest girl rang up out of the blue in hysterics. Her past was a box of odds and ends, she didn’t know where to belong or if she even did. She made up for the feeling of abandonment from her family by clinging to boys who for a while helped to give a temporary fix for the pain. It never lasted and the boys would abandon her reliving past times. She was left alone and not sure where to go or who to turn to. The boy would find his way back when he missed having someone who was venerable. She would let him back in as she had a hole to fulfil inside. The other girl listened and cared. She tried to make her feel like she belonged, in her eyes the smallest girl belonged but she was blinded by past miss trusts and fall deeply into life’s grip.

The laughter started to die out as if the volume button was being turned down. She struggled to hold on to the sound but it wasn’t going to be held on to and it slowly disappeared, plunging the room into harsh silence, leaving her alone again, her and her photos. She threw the photo down, but the throw lacked force so the three smiling faces kept smiling as they drifted down, where they landed on the carpet face down. The blank side standing out, cold and dark, in the sea of warm colour.

She looked around at the faces, so many of them now just a faded memory but another’s still familiar. If she looked at any of the photo to closely she got prangs go through her heart as each face had a story and many of the stories hadn’t been given a happy ending. Her heart hadn’t let go even though the pain had subsided and faded over time like a old cut, but it still ached to think of friends who she couldnt even call a friend now. People who she saw around maybe in the streets or at an advent sparking old feelings and sadness washed over her as she let them walk past, both of them going in separate directions, following different paths. Her mind joined back with her body in the room filled with her past and the wind raging angrily outside. As she looked at the photos randomly lying about she thought of the stories she had remembered about, but hundreds more where laying on the carpeted floor, waiting to be remembered. She gave a sad smile, a little sniff and thought as she scanned her messy floor; it’s a tragedy to lose a friend to death but worse to lose one to life.